So lets face it: stay at home mom life is NOT easy. It's not relaxing and my house isn't perfectly clean. Frankly im tired. For anyone who has not seen the movie Blazing Saddles, this lady sings a song called "Im so tired." Yes, she is a prostitue talking about her lady parts, however not that far off from how I feel as a mom. And frankly my lady parts have seen better days to. I will attach a link to this song because it is funny and could be the theme song for my life.
Lets first start off with expectations. You see mothers in the movies and on tv and they are so happy and loving and take care of the household and the kids. They have their shit together, always tending to the kids and their needs, so friendly and loving and frankly I am jealous. Once again, my childhood ruined by the entertainment industry because that perfect stay at home mom expectation is a lieeeee. Proops to the unicorn moms who are a living image of perfection, I definately am not it! When my now fiancee presented me with the idea of staying home I was thrilled. It seemed like the perfect situation; I stay home, take care of the kids and the house, and life will be peaceful and perfect. I will wait a second while you all laugh it up. I was WRONG, OMG was I ever wrong. First of all, there is a reason you PAY people to take care of your kids. Aint no one going to do this shit for free! Picture a job where you have to stare a little creature all damn day because if your look away of God forbid blink something horrible will happen. Next this little creature literally wants your attention 24 fricking 7. Want to go pee? That's cute! Either you are bringing them with you or you are holding it until your spouse gets home. Want to clean? Even better! Try cleaning with them either hanging off you, undoing what you just did, or better touching your cleaners turning them into messers. Want to cook a nice and healthy meal from scratch? Great! How good are you are being a one handed wonder?!?! Not kidding either. Unless my fiancee is home all of my meals end up being cooked one handed because my cute little angel has decided she wants to fuss riiiiiiiiiiiiiight when I am trying to get a half decent meal cooked. Why not let her scream it out you ask? My fiancee works afternoons and needs his rest. Also, I enjoy cooking, or used to, and don't want to hear that high pitched call of the wild pulling at my ovaries while trying to saute a freaken onion! Best part of all is all your free time to run errands its amazing! No? Not buying it? Here's the thing; you are on baby time. That means you are on their clock, their schedule, and heaven help you if you mess it up. I have an hour and a half time slot in the morning and an hour after dinner to run errands. If I go outside of these times there is hell to pay. You know those moms dragging screaming kids through stores? They ignored baby time. That shit is real. Save yourself and don't go out if you don't have to outside of their schedule. Finally, all this free time I thought I would have to work on myself and enjoy quality time with my oldest, yeah that doesn't exist. Why you ask? Watch the video clip, I AM TIRED! By the time I get both of them to bed I am done. Like done done. Like going upstairs to bed seems like a mountain climb. I have literally dozed off at 7pm while they are getting ready for bed because I am just so done. I love my kids, and would not change anything for the world. Just be warned; stay at home mom life IS NOT EASY. Be sure to have a stock of candy, wine, and coffee.