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A spring bike ride and a fireman's hose

April 26, 2018

 

Motherhood changes you. One of the ways it changes you happens in the delivery room. Yes ladies, I am talking about your womenhood, your fun holes, your lady parts. Ever since I had my first daughter it is a freaken firemans hose down there. I can no longer "use the facilities" without it looking like a fireman's hose shot through a canon. Really though, gone are the days of wipe and go. Now its more of a wipe back, front, side, side, thighs, under the butt, you name it! Its annoying and a concept my fiancee cannot wrap his head around lol! We were out for a family bike ride, first one of the year, when of course my oldest started to complain she needed to go to the bathroom. Luckily for her we were on our way back and she magically forgot she had to pee by the time we got home. Anyways, my fiancee lovvvvvvves back country camping off the grid and used this as an opportunity to bring up a teachable;

Adam: You should teach her how to pee in the woods, she will need it for camping.

Me: Babe I can't do that anymore.

Adam; Why, its not big deal.

Me: No like I really can't my plumbing is busted.

Adam:..................................you just squat...............

Me: Yeah no, you see I have had two kids.

Adam................. and

Me: What once was a nice circle is now a star. A very screwed up, million point star that might as well be a bloody sprinkler system.

Adam:........... *blank stare*

Me: I can't pee in the woods. I can pee all over myself in the woods lol!

Adam: Well then I guess you can't go camping.

Me: SCOREEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Poor guy he will never understand. I remember when I first had Clara, going to the bathroom and thinking WTF JUST HAPPENED!!!!! THIS IS TEMPORARY RIGHT!!!!!! Sorry ladies! Hopefully your holes work a little better than mine, because mine is definately broken!!!

 

Oh and sorry for the tmi lol!!!!!!!!!!!

 

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